I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
