Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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