I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
