my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize