Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
