I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
