i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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