Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize