holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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