What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
