This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
