You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
