We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
