we have officially lost it.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
