3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
