She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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