Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
