You're a womanizer and a bitch.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
