I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
