I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
