There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
