He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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