mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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