She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
