Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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