can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
