Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
