A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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