I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
