I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
