Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
