dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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