Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
