We won't sleep together?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize