If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
