i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
