Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
