Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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