i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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