I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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