I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
