We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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