Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize