KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
