Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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