sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
