I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
