Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
