I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
