You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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