Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
