I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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