Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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