i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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