Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
