i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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