cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
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