i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
