Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Randomize
