I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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