these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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