If that was your dad, he is hot
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
