I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
