I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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