When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
