just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
